MAKE IT RAIN....... 2014

Well, first things first- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

As if it's 2014..... how time flies when you're having fun...equally it seems to fly when you are having a heinous, emotionally draining time too! Unfortunately, 2013 was not a very positive year for me and I don't know if it was because I set myself up for a fall (spent the entire of last New Year's Eve telling everyone and anyone that 2013 was going to be THE YEAR, whatever that even meant?!) or carried expectations higher than what I could really achieve, or because I made some pretty negative  personal choices. Either way, I have no intention of allowing history to repeat itself in 2014. No. This year a different ethos has been formulated and I am about to try and test it. I guess I will have to write another blogg this time net year and see how it all panned out!

I just shared a quote from Angel Haze on my Facebook wall:

 "Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who fucks you right & treats you how you deserve to be treated."

I considered it to be quite appropriate considering the conversation I had just been having with my friend, it was pretty much the point we were homing in on during our beach walk, (but the fact that neither of us are badass sexy rapper chics meant that our conversation went more like this)

 "Can't be arsed to waste my energy anymore....Don't have the time for anymore bullshit....I'm going to just get on with my shit and be happy with myself...if someone comes along, awesome... but he better be fucking awesome and sweep me off my feet.....otherwise he's not worth the hassle!....I  just need to protect myself for once!"

I can honestly say, maybe for the first time ever, I really do believe this to be true, or rather, I plan on making this a reality for myself. I made some fairly questionable decisions with regards to men, love, sex etc last year and one is supposed to learn from these mistakes...so here goes I suppose!

I don't mean I want to cut myself off from the option of meeting 'someone' (and of course the Flag Collection Scheme must continue on into 2014 ;) I just think I need to be happy in my own little Kel shaped glittery, fluffy, rainbow world before I decide to jump on the next sexy, long-haired Italian that will inevitably cross my path (note to self, stop falling in love with Italians).

I spent New Years, as I always do, in London with some of the most fabulous, intellectuals I am privileged enough to call my friends. Over those few days we learned a lot of valuable lessons, which I would like to think helped us comprise the list of rules that will help us bumble our way through the year ahead:

Rule number 1. Don't be a dick
Rule number 2. Appologise if you have been a dick
Rule number 3. MAKE IT RAIN*
Rule number 4."Fuck the Past and Suck Off the Present!!!!" **

 *Side note . For anyone who isn't aware of the meaning of this terminology- I wasn't until Will and Kojo explained it to me with the help of the visual and audio aids provided by Lil Wayne and Fat Joe in their video for their 2006 hit single) In order to 'Make it Rain', one needs to have a lot of money, dolla dolla billz preferable. When you are in possession of this large quantity of money (or stack as it is also referred to) you place the stack in the palm of your hand and with the other hand quickly brush each bill off and up into the air in quick succession with one and other. Ideally you have someone (could be a hoe, could be a mate or random passer by, either way...) standing/laying directly in front of you at the time so that all of the money falls on to them much like it would if it had actually been raining for real, just with less water...and more dollar billz. The final part of the procedure, and arguably the most important, is this: when you have finished 'making it rain' you must walk away, off into the distance without a second thought for the thousands of dolla dolla billz you have just dispensed onto the floor. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES can you pick up the money and put it back in your pocket. Why would you? You are a massive G who has an amazing life, you are confident, sexy, healthy, talented, popular, cool and really fucking rich. I think if we all live our lives with as much self assurance as one would need in order to carry out this activity, and apply it to all circumstances then I  think we could be on to a winner. Confidence is the key. Fake it Til you Make it (rain
).................

**Sidenote. This statement was overheard at some unholy hour at a Circus Rave in Hackney Wick on New Years Eve. Whoever he was, the man who uttered this is a genius and I strongly suggest that we all try and follow his lead with this advice too. Not too precisely though, not everyone in your present presence wants you to give them a blow job. #theyprobabalydoactually

Happy New Year my Darlings! I hope you are all feeling as positive and hopeful about the next little stretch of time as I am! Let's continue to add to the list of life rules and have ourselves and Ch££kY Lu$h $m0KiN H0tT GyP$y time :)

Here is an example of how NOT to make it rain

<3